Cheryl C. Helunck 

Reflecting  on my life, I cried a tear
wanting to  know what I had accomplished,
 the work I had done had it made a difference?
My existence seems of little value,
being truly expendable. 
Would there be something left of me, something
of significance when I left this world.
Friends and family say I have made
a profound influence on their lives.
I am neither rich nor famous.
 I often think myself a failure, yet
they seem to see something in me that 
I can not accept as having any true worth.
So much I would have wanted to do, or 
do differently. Things I would have said , 
or not   said. There is so much I have learned
and yet often repeat the same mistakes.
 I seem to be able to see in others 
what I  can not see in myself. 
Why is the mirror  of my soul clear and shiny
to  others, while it is dark and cloudy to me?

I cried a tear, wanting to be better than what I am,
knowing that much will not change, 
it is a part of me that does not alter. 
Time is growing shorter and still my life is 
not what it should be...to me.
I feel love around me, I have lost love and
 I  have found love.  
Broken dreams and feelings I have denied.
Lost and confused much of  the time I have
traveled the road of life. A heart
that can mend with a kind word and be 
broken again with neglect.

I have been blessed in so many ways 
with the  love of my family and friends. 
Gifts of love and friendship I have  tried 
to repay and honor with my faithfulness 
to each love given so freely.
Talent and skills, accomplishments that 
others look at with respect. 
Things I have enjoyed doing, poured
myself into trying to excel at each one.

Yet when I judge my life I see a rose that 
bloomed and could not see the beauty of itself. 
The bud unfolded and revealed  itself 
mature and radiant. 
The petals so soft  they were easily damaged,
 yet with thorns that has allowed my survival.

Too often  being called a survivor, as if this 
were an honor or a  tribute of some kind. 
To me this has meant a long series of 
struggles,  hurdles and worries. 
What is it that my heart wants then?

It is not that I have not had some 
measure of success. 
My children are my greatest accomplishments. 
I see in them a new beginning. 
 I wish them the happiness that I have 
had by them being in my life.
Friends I wish only the best and most  
wonderful joys of life. 
Each I hold in a special place in my heart
and feel so unique that we have met, shared
laughter and  tears,  confided our inner thoughts.

I have tried to express my fears of my own 
lack of self worth to them and they do 
not see what I see or feel. 
Each has been supportive and  reassuring 
that they see in me something of value.
 To the point that it becomes embarrassing 
to try to talk about my feelings. 
I do not seek compliments from others.

I cried a tear, looking for the honesty
 in judging my life. I have heard all the words
and they have been very kind and generous. 
Where do I go from  here? What time is left? 
Will there be a chance to right the  wrongs, 
now or in another life?
What do I want from life? 
To be  happy, at peace with myself 
and to harm no one. 
I want to share the humor that is in my  heart.
 I know I can make others smile,
 even when it seems the hardest thing 
for me to do myself. 
I want  to give love and be loved.

I cried a tear, feeling the loneliness, 
the unfulfilled part of my soul cries out 
to be made whole. 
The power is in ourselves to be happy  
and complete... so it is said.
Why then when I can be so much to others 
that I can not be a friend to myself. 
Unconditional love instead of a critic.

I cried a tear, not knowing how to change life, 
to live it as I would like to... this is my failure. 
Wanting what I am not sure how to 
define or describe . 
Knowing only that I have a need for more.

I cried a tear, and in doing so mourn the lost time,
 the hurts that have been too harsh, 
the   road that has been too long. 
The   hopelessness of many attempts that have
 not led to the success of acceptance of myself.

by©Cheryl C. Helunck

The above  poem, "I cried a tear" is written
 by ©Cheryl C.  Helunck and used with permission.
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Date Created: September  5, 2004
Updated: October  13, 2008